Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
