Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize