lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
