So drunk its hurt
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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