Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize