Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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