Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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