bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize