yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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