Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize