these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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