Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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