I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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