i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
