Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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