i don't plan on having that self control this summer
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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