My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
