He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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