Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
