In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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