dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
