my phone needs a breathalizer
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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