All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize