Already got asked if we're dating
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
