Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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