Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
