Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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