Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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