first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
