Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
