Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
