if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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