You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
