remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize