Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
