Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
