ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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