you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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