i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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