She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
