Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
