remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
