My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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