i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
