return my video game
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
