Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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