I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
