We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
