And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have aggressive nipples.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
