My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
