id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
