It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize