All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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