i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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