your parents love me but you hate me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
