any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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