Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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