No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
