pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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