Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
