Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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