...so i touched it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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