You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
