oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize