Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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