so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I could make wine with my vomit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have post one night stand depression
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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