I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize