just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
