when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
