I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
