You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
