I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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