Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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