Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
