remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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