My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I puked a lego.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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