that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
