my mouth tastes like poor choices
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
