guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
