He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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