I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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