I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
