Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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