Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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