I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
