It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
