If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
