Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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