Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
