ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just pee around me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
