Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Pants 0. Shit 1.
no, he came in my armpit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
