Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
